Quote of the day

"Excuse me, please, one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don’t need to think"

[ from "Grace is Gone" by Dave Matthews]

One day, I'll get these lines tattooed on my back. A silent reminder. A beautiful surrender. A quiet defeat. The quintessence of failure.

Some people need the alcohol to think. Some need it to stop thinking. Just different ways of connecting with the inner self and/or the outer world. Don't know which one is the "stop thinking" one ...

Dreams are for dreamers ...

I could look at your pictures for hours. And smile ... smile continuously, with an absent mind. It feels so good, and so right. I look at your pictures and I see so much of you through the colored pixels. I can almost feel your hands on my back, your skin under my fingers, your short hair, the rough beard ... but most of all, your eyes ... I can see your eyes smiling together with your lips and I feel tears in my eyes. You are incredible - you seem the essence of what I have been looking for ... or what I've given up looking for way to soon. You seem unreal. If there will be no marks on my skin, I would think you are just a picture that my imagination draws. You make me dream. And laugh, and scream, and smile, and cry, and feel, and float above the Earth where I thought people like you do not exist for me. Your beautiful, colorful world that covers the planet with smiles and joy makes me cry in my little corner of loneliness. I
am amazed. I am truly and deeply and totally amazed that you exist. And it's not an image ... it's real. It's not a game of my imagination - it's just real.

I look at you and I cannot understand where did I lose myself? In what moment of my life I lost my innocence? When did I lose the colours and covered everything with grey? Where is my smile and where's my craziness? Why do I need to make everything so complicated? Why can't I see the beauty of life in its every little moment? How could I lose that, that only thing I liked in me ... I look at your pictures and wish I'd be there, close to you, in each one of them. I crave for that normality, I crave for a life with you. I am jealous for every smile I lost, for every moment I missed ... I wish you'd know, just for a minute, how truly grateful I am for having you in my life. And even if my pride and stupid ego will never admit you were right about the present and the future - you'll always know it. And you'll always have me, the genuine and innocent and strong and fragile me. Yours, until the end of dreams.

And then I woke up. Indeed, you were just a picture of my imagination.

Reality bites. Dreams are lost. You are gone. I am frozen. Floating is legend. Love was bitter. Unreal. Gray. Colours have faded away from the fake fabric.

The world is really grey. And there are no you's for me. There are no you's for anybody but yourselves.