My life is postponed ... day after day, week after week, month after month I am preserving myself for a future that will never come. Because it's just too far away. And it's not me, or my patience, or my impatience, or my desire ... there's nothing in me or about me that can change that. It's all in the future, a future that has always ... ALWAYS lied to me, A future that made fun of me every time ... Future is my buddy and my enemy - we hate each other, and we play tricks on each other ... Painful tricks ... he gets to decide who and what lives and dies. I get to oppose. I normally lose. WTF, I always lose.
I am being cheated on, constantly, by my own good will and nice feelings. They say - be good, and good things happen to you. But they never say when! And here it comes my tricky friend, the one that has the power over my hope, my rage, my feelings ... the one and only that can make me kneel and beg ... beg for my hopes, my life, my love, my own identity. And I beg ... and he laughs ... and I am the clown of his royal amusement ... and life goes on - not mine, but his.
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