I feel betrayed. Used.
I feel like shouting and screaming.
I want you to know how much it hurts, how much you hurt me.
I try really hard not to want you to hurt as bad.
I did nothing wrong. This time - I really did nothing wrong. Yet I am shut out and disposed off. For no good reason. For no reason at all other than your primal fear. Your excessive caution. Your obsession with safety.
I have done nothing wrong.
I have given you so much. And you have simply used me to make life easier. Even when you had to take responsibility of your own actions, it was simply easier to blame it on me. As I looked older. More mature. More able to handle it. Better put the blame and guilt and everything else on me, or else you would not be able to comprehend what happened. Put it on my tap, so that you can go on living.
I will manage, of course I will - you thought. You saw me managing and not blinking and not crying before. So I must be able to, right? I have done it before, so I will be fine - you thought. And if I won't, you would not want to know. God forbid, you might actually be wrong! You might actually have to think about it. So ... better put it on me. I am stronger.
You said you care. Yes - in your free time and cycles. Yes - when it is convenient and you have nothing else to do. Yes - when it does not interfere with you. Then - yes, you care. But it is always "you first". It has always been. I just did not want to see it.
How could I be so stupid?
How could I be so utterly blind?
How could I let this happen?
Yes, I did make you up. You only exist with your real shape and the personality and qualities and perfect features I invented for you. Because they suited you.
You only exist in my head. In real life, you are just a shallow, empty, superficial egocentric person. I made you better. And now I cry for losing you.
How could I be so stupid to do this again and again?
You took away my self-esteem, my respect for myself, my hard work. You told me I have nothing to offer, you made me redundant. Not because I am, but because you want me to be.
And you don't even know it. Because you don't allow yourself to look back, to see what you've done. Better ignore it. Avoid it. Forget it. It will pass. Stop caring. Just march on.
You knew what you were doing. And yet you chose to do it. You used me. And it hurts. Because I have done nothing wrong.
I feel like shouting and screaming.
I want you to know how much it hurts, how much you hurt me.
I try really hard not to want you to hurt as bad.
I did nothing wrong. This time - I really did nothing wrong. Yet I am shut out and disposed off. For no good reason. For no reason at all other than your primal fear. Your excessive caution. Your obsession with safety.
I have done nothing wrong.
I have given you so much. And you have simply used me to make life easier. Even when you had to take responsibility of your own actions, it was simply easier to blame it on me. As I looked older. More mature. More able to handle it. Better put the blame and guilt and everything else on me, or else you would not be able to comprehend what happened. Put it on my tap, so that you can go on living.
I will manage, of course I will - you thought. You saw me managing and not blinking and not crying before. So I must be able to, right? I have done it before, so I will be fine - you thought. And if I won't, you would not want to know. God forbid, you might actually be wrong! You might actually have to think about it. So ... better put it on me. I am stronger.
You said you care. Yes - in your free time and cycles. Yes - when it is convenient and you have nothing else to do. Yes - when it does not interfere with you. Then - yes, you care. But it is always "you first". It has always been. I just did not want to see it.
How could I be so stupid?
How could I be so utterly blind?
How could I let this happen?
Yes, I did make you up. You only exist with your real shape and the personality and qualities and perfect features I invented for you. Because they suited you.
You only exist in my head. In real life, you are just a shallow, empty, superficial egocentric person. I made you better. And now I cry for losing you.
How could I be so stupid to do this again and again?
You took away my self-esteem, my respect for myself, my hard work. You told me I have nothing to offer, you made me redundant. Not because I am, but because you want me to be.
And you don't even know it. Because you don't allow yourself to look back, to see what you've done. Better ignore it. Avoid it. Forget it. It will pass. Stop caring. Just march on.
You knew what you were doing. And yet you chose to do it. You used me. And it hurts. Because I have done nothing wrong.
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