Not the right time

Have you ever realized that the world has been build on a time schedule? - on quite a short budget, I may add. It took Him seven days to make the world, in a very pragmatic way: step-by-step, day-by-day, task-by-task. Then who am I wonder how can people do the same?!

I live in the world of "this is not the right time for it". I've heard this so often lately that I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people explaining and lecturing about self-discipline and the important meaning of life versus unimportant and trivial things like love or happiness or freedom. I'm sick of important things - I want to live and enjoy trivial, non-important kisses, hugs, caresses. I want to laugh early morning in bed with him ... I want to be able to sneak out in the middle of the day for a quick run in the woods ... I want to be able to visit my friends at the end of the world even if it takes long and inefficient hours to travel ... . I want all these, even if I need to work like a slave to make up for them. Isn't this the way we are supposed to live - "live", not survive and struggle for a better "living".
These are the only things that matter ... and I am tired of explaining this ... I am tired of shouting it to people that I love ... they cannot hear, the world clock has swept them in ... all they see is the right and wrong times, nothing in between. I *know* they are wrong ... but in our reality, the majority is always right. So I cry, alone in my corner, in my beautiful, colorful world, with my beautiful, wonderful feelings to give to people that are never in the right moment for them. And I keep trying to make them happy ... it's just not the right time ... not the right time to be happy ... How naive are they to think these times are coming back ... How silly to throw away the few moments of happiness one gets to live ... just because it's not the right time.

I was born in the wrong time. I've struggled all my life to make it right, but I am still a stranger in this world of "right" and "wrong" times. They call me crazy or naive ... I am just not fitting in these templates and in this society ... and people that don't fit have two options: try to fit or run away. I am still trying to fit ... cutting myself (or my self) every day, because it's not the right time to run away, and it's wrong to kill (myself included).