The wait

... and I still wait.
Why? Because I love him. Stupidly enough, my heart still hopes, in its twisted chambers, that things are going to be fine.

Hell, I don't even know what fine is anymore ...

I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I cannot enjoy the bitter-sweet chocolate in front of me. I don't like grapefruit any more.

I just wait ...

And I know what's gonna be. I know what's gonna happen. and I know it's gonna hurt like crazy.

And yet, I decided to wait.

I am exhausted.
I am too tired to be angry. I am too tired for revenge. I am too tired to explain. I am too tired to even show how much this "wait" is hurting me, how selfish and painful this obvious end is and how it kills me a little everyday.

That's what he said - "Can't we wait for a few more days? This is very painful, you know?"

So I just sit on the floor, with tears in my eyes, thin blood lines on my wrist... and I wait ...